We accept the love we think we deserve.

So my weekend has been so completely amazing.
And I am amazingly happy right now.


I have a really good feeling about what's to come. Seriously. :]
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I'm a little sick of people pointing out things that I don't care about.
Yes I came up with the name and I don't know why they kept it.
And honestly I could care less what they do with it.



Yes, I thought it was stupid at first, but now I don't care.
They're not in my life, so it doesn't matter to me.
I find it stupid and immature that people bring it up when certain people are around. Like they think it bothers me somehow. But since they aren't in my life and I've moved on and am happier, it doesn't affect me. People really need to think before they speak.
And some people still need to get over themselves. Honestly, it's pathetic. :]
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I never thought one of my friends would end up killing themselves. I thought they were smarter than that. I've never had this feeling before. I've never really realized what people have gone through when one of their friends dies. Until now.



Last night, one of my friend Chong hung himself last night. He wasn't a close friend, but I've hung out with him enough to where I considered him a friend. He was so nice and so smart and I don't see why he would do this. He had to be coked out or on E or something. He wouldn't have done that sober. Never.
I just don't want to believe it. Last time I saw him everyone was having drama because he was starting it and causing it all. But it didn't mean the people still didn't care about him. I really don't know what to think right now. I'm just in shock.
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I really hate when my mom just comes in my room and tells me to pick it up when there isn't anything to pick up.
I don't get why my room can't be the way I want it to be. Like it's how I live, my room represents me and my living style. Not messy but not perfect.
It just bugs me when she comes in here and picks shit up for me. I get hella annoyed.
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I thought about a lot on the bus to see my brother today. Mostly of what I want.
And I don't want to do something because people want me to or think I should. I don't want to do something I don't feel is right for me right now.
It's my life and I like how it's going. I'm not fucking it up or ruining it or anybody else's life. I know I'm not ready for anything serious so give me some time. That's all I ask. And while I'm taking my time, I'm going to have fun.
I feel really accomplished today. Because I finally got some thinking done, and it feels good to finally get what I've been thinking out. I just haven't been able to word it correctly.
Please just be happy I'm happy with my life. It's amazing.
So except it and be happy.
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This weekend couldn't have been more perfect. Actually this whole week really. Shelby came up to me and said that we really need to find jobs, because this is how it should be all the time.
And I agree. Not all the time, but when I move, definitely having most of my good friends to come over and hang. I'm applying to Nordstrom's today and to K-mart.


There was this guy I met, and it was nice to meet a boy who wanted to get to know who I am. Who would rather talk instead of just wanting something out of it. And we both agreed that we don't know what we want in a relationship. And that we would just be friends who get along.. really well. =P
And if we get to know each other and it's what we're looking for and what we want, than we'll do something about it. But for now, just friends. We cuddled and talked more last night.
He's 25. He's a country boy.
I want to see where this will go. Because I may get all confused and not know what I want. Because I don't know what I want. So I don't want to lead anyone on, but I wouldn't mind getting to know him.
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So debating on starting a band. But I feel like I would fail. And I would love to learn an instrument before I start anything.

James is totally convincing me to do it. But I don't know if anybody would be serious about it. I mean would I be serious about it? Is it something that would be worth it?


And if I do would I have the balls to go up on stage and show my talent?! Whatever that may be. I've been told I have a good scream.
This is something I'll think about for a while. haha.
I have no idea if I'm serious or not. But I'm pretty convinced. hah =]
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I DO NOT want to see Theme For Murder playing this years Warped Tour.
I think I would rather see a dead baby than to see that.

I really don't get why people would vote for them to play it.
They're terrible. Yuck..
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New line up.

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I need to get over change.
I NEED to learn "things change. and friends leave. and life doesn't stop for anybody."
I need to start living by that.
I really need to start over. I need good change.
I'm sick and tired of bad changes.
I'm done.


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Make sure to get tons of people to go.
They want Super Nova PACKED!!!!

<33

Seriously.

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I'm gonna be an aunt =]
My sister is pregnant.
No, my brother didn't get anyone pregnant. haha


But I can't wait. I know it's a while away, but just the fact that I'm gonna be an aunt makes me excited to spoil her baby.
I'm happy for her.
I have to call her tomorrow.
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I miss my bestie.
A lot =[[
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They really are going on tour with Jeffree Star.

Wooowwwww. =P
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http://www.myspace.com/againandagainband


This is only the beginning.
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Although others may think you don't have to deal with issues of low self-esteem, you face insecurities just like everybody else. If you are unsure of your image, it's time to review your process of transformation and turn up the heat. Thinking less of yourself can actually limit your development, so take a hard look at what you do best and focus on doing that even better.

Weird.
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Bre wrote this in her blog and I have to agree with her.
I believe every word of it as well.

An Atheist loves his fellow man instead of god. An Atheist believes that heaven is something for which we should work now – here on earth for all men together to enjoy.

An Atheist believes that he can get no help through prayer but that he must find in himself the inner conviction, and strength to meet life, to grapple with it, to subdue it and enjoy it.

An Atheist believes that only in a knowledge of himself and a knowledge of his fellow man can he find the understanding that will help to a life of fulfillment.

He seeks to know himself and his fellow man rather than to know a god. An Atheist believes that a hospital should be built instead of a church. An Atheist believes that a deed must be done instead of a prayer said. An Atheist strives for involvement in life and not escape into death. He wants disease conquered, poverty vanquished, war eliminated. He wants man to understand and love man.

He wants an ethical way of life. He believes that we cannot rely on a god or channel action into prayer nor hope for an end of troubles in a hereafter.

He believes that we are our brother's keepers; and are keepers of our own lives; that we are responsible persons and the job is here and the time is now.

Subject: Weekly Volcano Newpaper
From: Jamie
Date: Jan 11, 2008 1:01 PM


Hi Sylver - My name's Jamie Forsythe, and I'm a freelance writer for the Weekly Volcano newspaper. We received the e-mail you sent detailing what makes you a super fan, and we're interested in doing a story about you. So message me back when you get a chance or shoot me an e-mail at jaforsythe@comcast.net and let me know if you're okay with this and what would work best for you chatting over the phone or in person.

Thanks,
Jamie


I just sent her an email about this. I told her we can meet up somewhere and talk about it because hearing it in person would be better than hearing over the phone. And I'm not much of a phone person in the first place, so I'll be fine with meeting her somewhere in Tacoma.
I told my mom and she really didn't understand. If I made it in the newspaper, than she'll get that they did an article about me =] haha
I wonder if they will haha.
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I hate when you start to build up feelings for someone, and it starts to feel nice liking someone, and when you're just starting to like them, your feelings just stop and you don't know what to do with them. Thats what I'm feeling right now, I have feelings for someone, and I have no idea what to do with them.
I think I want to do a little flirting Friday, but I'd rather not make myself look stupid or like an idiot.


I need a distraction from my feelings, and I think thats what getting a job will help do for me. Distract me from everything I'm feeling.
I just need a distraction.
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